As a child Christmas was the best time of year, it was pure magic. My parents always put their best efforts into convincing me there was a Santa Clause. I spent my Christmas eves surrounded by family, singing songs, sharing stories. I spent every Christmas day at my grandmothers, sitting around a huge food spread, ripping open presents with my cousins. I really did have the Christmas spirit.
Things started to change as I grew, and when my parents split up. Moving to Canada unfortunately cut off many connections to family, so when Christmas came around it was just my mom and I. Christmas became quite average, and quite disappointing. It wasn't magical or special and it took me a while to be okay with that. I remember being jealous of the "perfect Christmas," missing my old Christmas experiences. I thought every family besides mine got to have the classic Christmas, and that I'd been snatched away from it. I wanted so badly to sit around a decadent table with huge platters of food, Christmas jingles in the background, and surrounded by family - but this wasn't the case. Instead it was a table for two. For a while that lonely and unsatisfied feeling haunted me each year, but as I grew and matured I realized that there are very few people who actually experience a "perfect Christmas." I learned to love our small Christmas. We started new traditions. Instead of soft holiday jingles, we chose a punk rock Christmas playlist. Instead of nestling up by the fire and watching The Polar Express, we prepared for a Stanley Kubrick marathon, or some years a Godfather marathon. We even bought a blue Christmas tree once. Ultimately, we take on Christmas differently. We try our best to rebel against the norms, and find our own path to create our own kind of Christmas happiness. I find this way of celebrating a lot more comfortable. I no longer ache for those classic "big family" Christmas'. I'd much rather write a letter of appreciation, or make meaningful gifts than spend hours stressing, shopping and spending.
The most important thing I've learned about Christmas is that it's never perfect, even if it looks like it is. Every family has their own issues, many people are left lonely, some are working and some aren't welcome home during the holidays. After learning more and more that the Christmas spirit doesn't have to be whats presented in books and movies. It's whatever you want it to be, it's whatever makes you happy. Your Christmas spirit is your own to foster.
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